As many of you know, I have been doing long-distance with my husband this past summer. At the beginning of our relationship, we spent 11 days together in 6 months, and we certainly didn’t expect to have to do it again! And while I would have loved to spend every day with him this summer, sometimes we have to sacrifice to move forward with our careers, which was one of those times. I found the hardest part was not knowing when we would next see each other – I am someone who likes to plan! But, on the flip side, I came to love quiet time, have an appreciation for my own space (I have my own cabin!) and spent my minimal free time reading – something I love to do.
I am rather excited that four fellow stews have agreed to answer a few questions about their experience with Long Distance.
I asked each lady the following questions:
- Did you plan to do long-distance, or did it just happen? How did that transpire?
- What is your number 1 piece of advice for stewardesses doing long-distance?
- How did you deal with conflict when apart?
These ladies are all from different countries, have unique stories & personal views on this topic. Hopefully, this post will help you realize that you aren’t alone in the long-distance struggle and encourage you to keep working towards your end goal.
My name is Emma, and I have spent the last eight years working away, travelling the world on cruise ships and superyachts with my other half. I have been lucky enough in the last year to marry my sweetheart and move shoreside into our beautiful new Beach House “Oceana” in Cornwall, UK (named after the cruise ship we met on, hehe). I have since left my stewardess lifestyle on the high seas and have my own business teaching Yoga in and around Falmouth. @emsyoga_cornwall
Did you plan to do long-distance, or did it just happen? How did that transpire?
I’ve never met anyone with aspirations for a long-distance relationship, but I feel that they creep up on you as it becomes clear that they are the only option that’s left! I met my husband on cruise ships; we then moved into the superyacht industry, mostly on separate yachts, and still have a long-distance relationship eight years later. I have since been lucky enough to move shoreside to sunny Cornwall and start my own business in the last year. My husband has a 2:2 rotation which works well for our two new kittens.
What is your number one piece of advice for stewardesses doing long-distance?
DAILY COMMUNICATION:
I would say to make time for each other no matter how busy you “feel” you might be; I used to send quick voice clips between services and turndown selfies, anything really; I just felt daily communication was so important to check in with one another.
I know you said one piece of advice, but I feel like this one’s just as important to me.
END GOAL:
Have something that the two of you focus on together, a weekend away after the season or the hope of a couples job next season, I’ve always found that the hardest days are much more bearable when you’re aiming for a shared goal together
How did you deal with conflict when apart?
Don’t sweat the small stuff also, looking back over the last eight years; nothing was really worth arguing about anyway! I try to get things into perspective before conflict arises #zenlife also, if you find yourself in a relationship with regular conflict, maybe it’s time to reassess if you’re actually with the right soul mate!
My name is Deb, and I’m a Canadian Chief Stew married to a British man from Northern Ireland. We met in 2013 thanks to this great industry and have been working together ever since. We’ve taken a few seasonal breaks from yachting once in a while to travel around the UK and Europe in our camper van or flip homes in and around Belfast. @jadisworks
Did you plan to do long-distance, or did it just happen? How did that transpire?
Although it isn’t our favoured way to work/live, we’ve decided to separate for three seasons now in the six years we’ve been together. In doing so, we have both been able to focus on our professional growth during those times and make the most of the time apart by improving our CV’s. Thanks to this, we have quickly moved up from running small privately-owned vessels to joining a 55m new build project that will be private and charter.
What is your number one piece of advice for stewardesses doing long-distance?
Apologize and forgive quickly without holding grudges. Communication is tricky at the best of times, and being apart breeds a whole new host of frustrations…it’s common for both partners to take these out on each other at times. However, reminding ourselves that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (time apart) helps to calm and re-focus on the goal at hand.
How did you deal with conflict when apart?
Conflict is inevitable. We both refrain from getting upset or shouting at each other and instead take time out to reflect. We have concluded that every time friction has come up, it is due to outside circumstances. A clear-headed perspective is easier to gain after a few deep breaths and reflection.
My name is Lucija, and I’m from Croatia’s best little town Zadar. 5 years ago, I decided to stop working at an office job & pack my bags and join the Yachting industry. I met my boyfriend on a dock while he was washing down, and I was taking in the provisions. After a wild rollercoaster and being apart, we got the best opportunity to work together on a world-travelling 140m yacht! We are fortunate to travel and work together! @lucym_2410
Did you plan to do long-distance or did it just happen? How did that transpire?
My long-distance wasn’t planned; we just ignored the fact that we would be apart for a while. I’m very strict with my emotions, so I was the one who was a bit “cold” when we had to say goodbye, and now, I believe that that was the best thing I could do back then. I was going through a lot then, a very demanding boat and crew, so I didn’t want to feel sad knowing I didn’t have him by my side. Both of us were on the same page not to write those cheesy messages and have a long conversation about how we miss each other, so we handle it like a normal situation. We focused on jobs, and every day we just took the time to call and chat. If you decide to go out with the crew, go out and don’t sit on the phone with him all the time. Both of you need to understand that. If you want to stay on the boat and chat with him, it’s ok, stay and chat.
What is your number one piece of advice for stewardesses doing long-distance?
My advice for everyone involved in this industry is don’t let your feelings get in the way. It’s ok to fall in love, but it can easily become a hard situation if you let your feelings fly everywhere. And if they do, use them to be the best person and most positive on the boat! People love that energy and happiness so use it that way, don’t be sad because for the moment you can’t be together, think about all that time you will spend together. Finish what you started, do the long-distance, and it will pay off later. You chose this job without him; you started this without him, so focus on yourself.
How did you deal with conflict when apart?
Conflicts are hard, of course, even harder when you are apart. You misunderstand the messages; the tone of voice is not “right”,, overthinking but as long as you catch yourself that you might react inappropriately, just stop. Don’t write that message, and don’t make an angry call. When you are apart, most of your fights and arguments are not about you two; it’s because you are having a bad day. Have an open conversation and do’s and don’ts in all of this. Listen, listen and listen. Don’t fill the fire with oil. Just sit down, listen and show support.
My name is Lizzie, and I grew up on chocolate, beer, and fries in the tiny country of Belgium. After obtaining my Master’s degree in Psychology and HRM, I decided it was time to leave my home town and explore the world. Little did I know I would end up travelling for a full 19 months. Afterwards, I tried to settle back down but being infected with both the love and travel bug, I eventually joined my Australian boyfriend in the yachting industry in 2016. We’ve been cruising the world together ever since, from the Pacific to the Med, and are currently trying to find a bit of balance by working mainly freelance positions. @revelintravel
Did you plan to do long-distance, or did it just happen? How did that transpire?
I met my boyfriend Keenan in May 2014 while I was on a Work and Holiday visa in Australia. Neither of us was in yachting when we first met, but he was definitely already playing with the idea. When my visa expiration date was getting scarily close, and we both felt like we didn’t want to give up on us, yachting oddly enough was the perfect middle way for us to remain close. Keenan flew to the Med and found a job within two weeks, while I moved back home to Belgium, working a regular office job. We saw each other for one long weekend every one or two months for a year and a half!
What is your number one piece of advice for stewardesses doing long-distance?
When I was home, I would sometimes get super frustrated when Keenan wouldn’t pick up my calls or answer my messages straight away. I had a lot of time on my hands and didn’t quite understand how busy yachting can get until I joined myself much later. The most important advice is not to expect or demand too much, especially communication-wise. It truly is OK if you don’t have a 1hour call every day. A short voice note or even just a picture is sometimes worth a lot more.
How did you deal with conflict when apart?
Preferably as soon as possible and not via texts. There’s nothing worse than arguing over the phone, and then one of you has to get back to work mid-argument. If that does happen, take your alone time and remember why you choose to be in a long-distance relationship in the first place: because you believe your love is strong and worthy enough to deal with anything. Then, take the time to arrange another call and talk it all out.
A massive thank you to the above ladies for taking the time to share their thoughts & ideas on Long Distance Relationships. I think it’s imperative to remember that there are hundreds of stewardesses in the same situation dealing with similar situations. So rely on your girls onboard, make time to call your friends and focus on why you love your partner.
Big Hugs,
Gem xx
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