Happy Friday Friends!
I am currently sitting in our cabin.. yes… OUR! For those of you that didn’t see my instagram announcement , Ben joined my Crew this week and I officially have my gorgeous hubby as a roommate again! Totally weird timing though as this week the blog posts are all about Long Distance Relationships. Today, one lovely stewardess has answered a series of questions that were asked on my Instagram Stories! Due to nature of these questions…. intimacy, jealousy etc. I have kept her anonymous. Before we get into things, if you haven’t checked out part 1 of the Long Distance Series, click HERE!
Do you have any suggestions for dealing with jealousy when seeing your partner out with their crew?
Everyone’s been there when they see their partner join a new crew, everyone is a little threatening cuz they’re so beautiful and their “motives” are unknown, I’ve always found (given the chance) that meeting them can help so much with putting your little worries to bed. Once they see you as a human being and you get a chance to see them for who they really are (not just perfect Instagram pics) I’ve always felt so much more confident in where I stand with my partner and his crew dynamic, and that understanding usually melts the jealousy away. I can then be happy that he’s in a crew of people that care about his well being and want to be around him. It’s a mentality shift in a way, where you’re no longer jealous of the people that get to be around them but you’re grateful that they are there and looking out for your person while you can’t.
Have you ever dealt with temptation?
I don’t know who said it but I always rely on this quote that’s along the lines of “if you are ever involved with 2 people, choose the second one. Because if you were that happy with the first one you would never have allowed your head to be turned”. I’m lucky enough to have never had this experience but yachting changes a person so much that it’s common to see long-distance relationships (especially with non-yachties) end; purely because the person away has outgrown their original ideas of the future, which is okay. If this is the case I think it’s so important to recognize this and end things BEFORE giving in to temptation! But if you love your person and you’re feeling a little lost one day and someone else brings you comfort, just think of the most special memory you have of your person and if that doesn’t remind you of all you have to lose, send them a message and ask for some reassurance. Also, remember that the short term satisfaction of the temptation may not be worth it.
How did you deal with not knowing when you’ll next see your partner?
As for the not knowing when you’ll see them, never forget that you’re completely in control of your career and that there are ALWAYS other options for you that might allow you to see each other more, I find that once I realize I’m not trapped and actually could make the call to go see him whenever I wanted I always find myself thinking of the reasons why we’re doing this. If you have goals with your partner and being apart is a means to an end, just think of your goals together and things will begin to make sense again. And if they don’t, nothing is ever stopping you from doing what is best for your futures, it’s an empowering thought to remind yourself you’re an adult and you can always make your own decisions, and there’s nothing wrong with putting a special relationship first.
What do you do to maintain intimacy in your relationship?
Easy, send cheeky pics that keep them guessing, make them open their phone at tea break and spit their coffee out. Just be unpredictable. Or FaceTime while you shower send pictures, whenever you feel cute or confident, it’ll remind them constantly why they’re attracted to you and keep the intimacy up 🙂
Do you ever feel guilty for wanting to spend time alone or with crew instead of spending the day on the phone with your partner?
The best question yet, I 100% do (especially when they’re not busy) but I never let it stop me. No one wants to be that person who never comes out cuz they have to Skype their partner … likewise, it makes your partner look selfish. I always just tell him if he gets upset when I choose the crew over him, “if the roles were reversed you would be doing the exact same thing”, everyone needs to get off the boat. Also, nothing is stopping you stepping away from the group for 5 mins to have a quick chat later in the day/night to keep them updated, I always send a voice note every now and then with news, it keeps them included and keeps you out having fun 🤷♀️
Another thing I do to make sure he knows I’m thinking of him is we have a code emoji; and if I’m super busy and don’t have time to reply but want him to know I’m there (and likewise when on of us is on charter) we just send that emoji, I find it helps stay connected and it just means “I’m too busy to be on my phone, but I am thinking of you”.
Have you ever put your career before your relationship? Has it been a positive or negative experience?
I am doing that right now, we tried for a year of putting our relationship first but found that whilst it was a hilarious year, career-wise it wasn’t fulfilling and wasn’t beneficial to our overall goal. So we decided recently to go back to pursuing our passions/careers separately and just trusting that our common goals would see our relationship through. If the person loves you they won’t make you choose between them and your career, they’ll go do what’s best for them and love you at the same time. I can’t say it won’t be both positive and negative, but off the bat I have to say it’s positive because it’s such a mature and respectful understanding to come to and putting yourselves first as individuals only makes you stronger as team in the long run (what’s a year in the grand scheme of things really?)
I really hope this two-part serious has been helpful for those of you dealing with Long Distance! It’s hard, frustrating and tiring sometimes, but as it says above…FOCUS on the longterm goal! Ben and I are currently saving for our second property, I really wanted to work on a larger yacht and Ben wanted to get his final courses done for his OOW. And while we are now working together (thank goodness), I am SO grateful for this past summer. When we eventually buy a property, I will remember how much we sacrificed for it, when Ben gets his OOW, I will remember how good it was that he temped on a boat that signed his Training Record Book… It is 100% a mindset and while it’s easier to be positive now that he is with me, I know that in the future we could navigate Long Distance if we had too!
Hello! My name is Gemma, the girl behind The Yacht Stew. After 7 years of working on yachts, I wanted to create a platform where I could share my stories, travels & passions. I have been asked a million and one times “What do you actually do working on a yacht?” – hopefully this blog will give you a good insight. I’m so excited to share my travels & stories with you.
Latest posts by theyachtstew